Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
