i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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