Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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