They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
