Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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