You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize