the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
