Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
