Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
