these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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