Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize