How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize