Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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