1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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