Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
