Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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