i think my mom watched the whole time
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
