So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Actions speak louder than pants.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize
