whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
