Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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