Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
