During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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