Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
