I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
