P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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