i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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