put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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