yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
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