Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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