i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
