Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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