We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
