Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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