I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
