I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize