Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
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