I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
