The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize