make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
