my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
