last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
