Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
