after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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