Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
