i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
