i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
As shirtless as possible
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
