It's Friday. Sex?
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
