You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
