Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
