The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
