I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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