I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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