i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize
