You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He? As in you personified your dick?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
