fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
