what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
