whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
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