Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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