Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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