My entire life is one complicated drinking game
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Panties = found
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