Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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