Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He better not be in your backpack
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
